


The Cursed Discord Idea

by Castelau



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack Relationships, Cursed AU, F/M, Humor, M/M, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 09:44:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16172558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castelau/pseuds/Castelau
Summary: "Keith, you're going to have a sibling," Krolia said, as nonchalantly as if she was discussing the weather. "Lance, you're going to be a father."It was frighteningly efficient as an announcement, as was to be expected of someone like her but those two small statements. They were all going to die, there was no universe in which this misadventure would end well for any of them.-When many lovely people bring together the best worst AU idea yet. Keith becomes half-brother to Lance's child, or does that make Lance his step-father?





	The Cursed Discord Idea

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that not a word of this is serious, or beta read, or spell checked. I'm going to hell for writing it.

“So… you’re telling me that you,” Keith levels a frosty look at his own goddamn mother, who didn’t even have the decency to look guilty. “slept with him.” His look shifted across the room to the most shit-eating grin plastered across the face of the worst possible person.   
  
“Yup.” Lance replied, singsong.  
  
Fuck.   
If that wasn’t a sign that they were living in the most cursed timeline.  
  
Honestly, it was the most horrifying mental image that any of them had had for a while. Of course there had been a long running bet on how long it would be before Lance knocked up someone on their travels through space but _Krolia_?   
  
“Before you ask any more questions, yes, alcohol was involved and yes we will be keeping it.” Krolia cut across before Keith had a chance to fly off the handle. There would be plenty of time to strangle Lance in the future.  
  
“Awesome. This kind of sums up our fucked up space family, doesn’t it?” Pidge observed from the sidelines, head stuck in her phone which absolutely meant that in less than five minutes half of the Galaxy Garrison would be aware of this… situation.  
  
Keith shoved his hands over his face, as if to erase the terrible, _terrible_ mental images that he was now having. “I’m disowning you, mom.”   
  
“Formally noted.” She replied in the most unbothered tone imaginable.   
  
Shiro wondered if it was too late to transfer to the refugee base on Olkharion, lest his hair take the next step from turning white and simply fall out due to stress.  
  
  
  
——-  
  
  
Did it get worse? Yes it did, of course it did.  
  
Galran pregnancies were short, just a few months in comparison to the nine that humans usually required. All this meant was that there was less time for the whole team and by extension everyone in their circle to adapt to the new situation.  
  
“No.”  
  
“C’mon, it’s perfect.”   
  
“I’m not calling him that.”  
  
Shiro decided to apply for that transfer as soon as he got back to his own quarters. Anything beat listening to the universe’s least likely couple arguing over what they would call their satan spawn baby.  
  
“Lancito is a lovely name!”  
  
“So is Yurak, to a Galra.”  
  
“I’m not Galra and to a human it sounds awful.”  
  
“Lancito sounds awful to a Galra, checkmate.”  
  
“Mother, I’m moving out.” Keith called from the corner of the living room where they had all crashed, barely visible around the massive form of his space wolf, which he was using as a comfort blanket.   
He had, understandably taken this upheaval rather poorly, even worse once Lance had inserted himself into their lives by moving into the tiny homestead that he was sharing with Krolia at the moment.   
  
“You already disowned me Keith, that beats moving out.” Krolia replied without even sparing a glance up at him. “Lance, the baby is going to be called Yurak and you’re going to live with that.”  
  
“Don’t I get a say on this?” He argued, crossing his arms over his chest. “I know you’re my baby mama and everything-”  
  
“Please don’t call my mother that.” Keith whined and Shiro felt bloody sorry for him, simply because neither one was listening to a word he said.  
  
“-but this baby is fifty percent me.” Lance continued and dodged the cushion thrown at his head with well-practiced ease.  
  
“Unless you plan on carrying it then you don’t get a say.” Krolia flipped over the page she was and continued on with a military level of focus on her copy of ‘ _what to expect when you’re expecting_ ’.   
  
“Aw man. Can Lancito at least be the middle name?”   
  
Krolia finally tore herself away from the book and raised her eyebrows. “Are you going to go out at three in the morning and buy me craving foods?”  
  
“I need my beauty sleep!” He cried in horror.   
  
“No then.” Her eyes returned to the text on human embryonic developmental stages.  
  
“And…” Lance grimaced, clearly already hating what he was about to say. “If I did do that?”  
  
“Indulge my cravings and keep me company and I might think about it.”   
  
“Does anybody care that I want to die right now?” Keith piped up again, utterly and completely defeated.   
  
“I care.” Shiro murmurs to him, although honestly he was regretting staying in this madhouse. There really wasn’t room for the four of them physically, let alone for their personalities. He’d though Keith would combust with righteous anger the first night Lance had stayed over.   
He’d have said slept over but, well, none of them had gotten any sleep if the noise levels had been any indication of things.   
  
“I love you.” Keith turns to him and there’s a ragged, desperate look in his eyes that begged for him to do _something_ about the hell his life had turned into. “Please save me. I don’t want to live here anymore.”  
  
Beside them, the debate raged on. Every time Lance shied away from Krolia’s demands, they only got more outlandish.   
  
  
  
——-  
  
  
Then, magically, all seemed to settle down in the fourth month.   
Maybe it was that Krolia went from as sleek and dangerous as always to looking like a beached whale virtually overnight, but suddenly everything ramped up into everyone waiting upon the arrival of this baby.  
  
Keith called it hell spawn. Everyone else wished to reserve judgement out loud but Yurak-Lancito, subject of a million arguments and the most mature attempt at sucking up that Lance had ever achieved in order to settle on the hyphenated name, was widely acknowledged to be the worst possible idea that they could have ever had.  
  
What did they do when the bouncing baby boy popped out a _girl?_  
  
They duly all panicked. There really was nothing else for it.  
  
  
_She_ had barely been born more than three hours before it became apparent that Keith was more struck with having a sibling than he had been about being gifted a whole room full of sharp weapons by a grateful ambassador from some far-flung planet that they had liberated.   
He barely let go of her and she seemed at her happiest when cradled in his arms, far happier than she was with her explosively excited father.  
  
“Oh it’s fine, you love your big bro.” Lance crooned over his shoulder at the peaceful if tiny baby who was quite alarmingly purple. “That gives me more time with my favourite MILF.”  
  
“Just because I’m holding a baby doesn’t mean I’m not going to kick your ass if you dare say that again Lance.” Keith growled, eyes murderous.   
  
“H-hey! It’s the truth.” He yelped, avoiding a stamp aimed at his foot.  
  
“We should get married.” Krolia mused and goddamn it, she looked unfairly composed in comparison to a human mother.  
  
“NO!” Resounded around from everyone present.


End file.
